I vant to buy your Castle...and suck you blood

Dracula is a vampire, by most accounts Romanian, a night dweller, a shape-shifting nosferatu, a good host but a bad guest.

But above all Dracula is a whore.

At least that’s what the Romanian government treats him like. For years they’ve heralded easy to reach Bran Castle as Dracula’s Castle even though it has nothing to do with the historical Dracula. The village of Bran has a Dracula market and is swollen with paper thin I ♥ Dracula t-shirts, while the real Castle Dracula sits in obscure isolation with nary a tourist in sight.

The commie government seized the Castle in 1948 and the marketing blitz began. In preparation of joining the EU and righting past wrongs, the government gave Bran Castle back to Dominic von Habsburg descendant of Princess Illeana of Romania.

Get our your checkbooks. Find a pen with a full well of ink. Von Habsburg has put a $77 million price tag on it. And the Romania government doesn’t want any part of it.

In the Chi Trib:

Culture Minister Adrian Iorgulescu has criticized the planned purchase (by a local council) of the castle, saying it is worth only a fourth of Habsburg's asking price. "I have nothing against the castle being bought by the city council if they are stupid enough to pay this money," he said.

There is so much that is wrong with this. I’ve started a list:

* If I ever inherit a castle, I ain’t selling it.

* The Romanian government should enter negotiations to buy something that is part of their cultural heritage.

* No one should ever have ‘von’ in their name. Kelsey von Timmerman. Come on! If you do have ‘von’ in your name and you are a descendant of a princess you probably got enough loot to drop the price of your inherited castle, oh, I don’t know, a few $10 million.

* Dracula is tired of being a whore. How about pimpin’ out the Wolfman for a bit or the gypsies? Give big D a break.