Unplugged No More

In the past, I’ve traveled relatively unplugged – no cell phone, no computer, just a camera, and a notepad. That’s about to change.

This trip I’m taking my cell phone to talk to all of the editors who I hope will be paying me lots ‘o money to bring back award-winning stories. My laptop, which fits in my pants (Don’t ask. Yeah, like you’ve never stuck your laptop down your pants before.) is coming too, so I can post to my blog, type notes, write stories, upload photos, make audio slideshows, and edit my audio recordings that I’ll capture with my fancy dancy new mini-disc player.

I’m a little nervous about all of those cords, circuits, 1’s and 0’s, and batteries. Not to mention I’ll be a walking pawn shop. But I see all of these gadgets as the price I have to pay to take people along for the ride. And that’s what I did dig most about this gig.

Infected Mouse Brains: they're good for ya!

From the CDC’s page on Japanese Encephalitis:

An inactivated JE vaccine produced from infected mouse brains has been licensed for use in the U.S. civilian population since 1992.

I need to get the vaccine for my upcoming trip. I hope that as I’m being injected, I don’t find myself in the middle of an explosion involving gamma-rays, like this dude did…

All I want for Christmas

Dear Santa,

I’m a simple man and there is not much I require for Christmas this year. But if you can find it in your heart to gift me with the following, I’ll believe in you always (note: some of these things may not be very Santa-like and somewhat illegal, but you’re above the law doggonit. You make reindeer fly; the law can’t touch you.)

I would like a knee defender for Christmas so I can avoid encounters like the one I had with the wart-ridden diamond banshee on my flight to St. Thomas. According to their website the knee defender will “help me defend the space I need when confronted by a faceless, determined seat recliner who doesn't care how long my legs are or about anything else that might be "back there".”

Instead of coal this year, would it be possible for you to leave a lump of steaming crap in the wart-ridden diamond banshee’s stocking?

Also, if the wart-ridden diamond banshee happens to be stepping out to her shed where she keeps the souls of children that she feasts upon and you happen to be passing-by, could you have Rudolph, Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Donder, Blitzen, Cupid and Comet trample her into itty-bitty bits?

Thanks,

Kelsey

PS - I’ve been very good this year.

Luggage requirements

It should have wheels, 4 of them.

I should be able to sleep in it.

If I become stranded without food, I should be able to scrounge a meal from the chips of chips, pieces of candy, and half-empty bottles of water found within.

It should lock.

Lumbar support and cup holders are preferred.

It should be big enough to hold a kayak and small enough to take camping.

After 10’s of thousands of miles it should look and smell like it did the day I got it.

It should be fashionable. The kind that looks good on the beach or in the city.

My favorite piece of luggage, my truck. Thanks for a great 100,000 miles!